Guy Winch once said about feeling lonely after a breakup, “All of us have experienced some degree of abandonment, if only for a short time, and remember the painful and scary feeling that goes along with it. Whenever we are reminded of this feeling or anticipate it in the future, we get a twinge of abandonment distress that we experience as loneliness. This can happen among a crowd of friends or even after making love. It can be pretty confusing and can put you off your game if you don’t know what’s going on.”
When a relationship is going smoothly, many times, partners want to spend the majority of their time with each other. So when there is a breakup, loneliness isn’t too far behind. The feeling of loneliness is not caused by being alone.
The loneliness comes from a break in patterns and habits and how you relate to important people in your life.
When you strip away a big part of your life, you can feel empty, exposed, and vulnerable. Try turning on the radio or your favorite movie. Hearing something familiar in the background can be soothing. Breakups could leave you feeling incredibly lonely like no one else even cares about you. But there are steps you can take to feel better. The first thing you should do is accept the situation as it is presently.
Your feelings are normal.
The way you are feeling right now is not how you will feel in time. Accept that you have broken up and embrace the things that are different now. Know that eventually, life will continue to change, as it always does. Free your emotions by feeling them and then letting them pass. Try your best not to bottle up your feelings. Speak to a trusted person about how you feel. There will be pain, but you will overcome it.
Let go of the negative thoughts about being single.
You have an opportunity to work on the things that you learned about yourself while in the relationship. Use the alone time you now have to enjoy all the activities and things you always wanted to. You could learn something new, read some new books, invest time in your physical fitness, or spend time discovering more about yourself. Use your time now to date yourself! Remind yourself of the things you love, and more importantly, what you love about yourself. Ask yourself the “first date questions.”
The fact of life is that nothing stays the same—everything changes. Even the deepest scars and the deepest wounds heal with time. Your mind may be restless, but you can change your perspective. Don’t let the temporary pain you’re feeling block your vision of what is ahead for you. Look past your current situation and hope for the best. And remember that no matter the hurt you’re feeling and the pain you’re going through right now, time heals.
Wishing you The Gift of Time,