Taking in a child of any age and welcoming them into your family is such a beautiful thing. You get to expand your home and give someone the ability to feel that bonded connection with people who love them. But the adoption process is not a simple one. The criteria and longevity of trying to become an adoptive parent are so challenging. Many bystanders don’t understand why these expected parents feel more lonely than joy during the process.
Why Do Pre-Adoptive Parents Feel Lonely?
Feeling alone is feeling isolated or separated from those around you. Even if you have a supportive tribe on your side, if no one close to you has also gone through the adoption process, it can trigger loneliness. After all, no one in your circle will truly grasp the hardships you are going through. You may be able to talk to them about different things, but getting to the core root of your emotions might not be something you can easily do with them. It is not their fault, or yours, but merely a difference in experiences. Some may feel like they have no one who can truly understand what is going on.
Some other key reasons why loneliness tends to creep in include:
- They are terrified that they are going to fail. Knowing they aren’t the biological parent can scare them into thinking they won’t be able to get on the same page as their adopted child and be who they need them to be. That underlying fear may be too shameful to admit to others, so it’s easy to bottle up and isolate those feelings.
- Adoption can cause future parents to become depressed. Some can also experience post-adoption depression. Even though there are no hormonal influences involved, such as with PPD, adoptive parents (especially the mothers) can feel grief, fear, and stress. A deflated feeling can come after the long adoption process they just went through. It’s a huge life change, and it can take a significant toll during the adjustment period.
Keep in mind that though adoption is completed often throughout the world, it’s still not seen as the societal norm. And sometimes people don’t understand unless they go through it themselves. If you don’t have anyone close who you can talk to about this, reach out to GeboCall. We can be your shoulder to combat that loneliness. We are here for you; you just have to make the call.
You are entirely entitled to your feelings.
Though there are thousands of adoptions processed each year, adoption can be a lonely process. It’s undoubtedly not all butterflies and rainbows. Whether you are jumping into adoption for the first time, or have been a foster parent looking to take in the child you have been housing as one of your own, don’t overlook loneliness. You’re not alone, and understand that it is okay to express yourself and admit, “I am lonely.” You’re only human, and you will get through it with the right support and perseverance. Keep your eye on the end goal of becoming a parent to a child who needs you.
Wishing you The Gift of love,